Chapter One:
The Phone Call:
The Chapter in Which He Comes Out
Friday October 6th 2006
Thanksgiving
Very Early Morning, Before Bed

"I'm gay" She heard him whisper through the earpiece of her cell phone. He sounded so close, but she felt like he was a million miles away, instead of just on the other side of town.

There was no response from her. She was off in her own little world now; thinking of everything they had had together. She thought of all of the ‘forever’s that had been said, all of the promises that would now be broken, but her thoughts were interrupted.

"Did you hear me?" he tried again, hoping not to break her heart.

Tears slowly rolled down her face, he was her first love, and now he was gay?  She did not know what to think, and even more than that, she didn’t know what to say, she tried nodding, but realized he could not hear a nod.

"Mhmm" she finally replied, sounding sad.  

There was a long silence on the line.

He could hear her heavy breathing as she attempted to hide her tears from him, but was unsure of what to say.

"Are you sure?" She finally asked.

After a moment of silence, he answered, "Yes." He sounded scared, but so sure of what he was telling her, she knew it had to be true.

She thought to herself, why is it this simple to him, when my whole world is falling apart?

"What... What does that mean about us?" She asked slowly, and so quietly, he could barely hear.

"I don't know" was all he could bring himself to say.  After a few more minutes of awkward silence, he spoke softly, "What do you want to happen about us?"

"I... I want us to be bestest friends forever" she said, feeling her heart beating strongly, almost painfully in her chest.

“We will be” he replied, “but if you need a break for any amount of time, I understand and if you don't want to talk to me, I understand”

“I don’t think it’s possible for me to not want to talk to you”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive”

“I’m glad”

“Me too”

“But, Lib?”

“Yea?”

“Can we keep this between us for now?”

“Of course” she said. “Can I ask you something though?”

“Anything.”

“How do you, like… know?”

“I just… do. I.. am physically attracted to boys, not girls.”

There was silence over the phone as they both breathed, waiting for the other to talk first. Finally, the words came out of her mouth, “Why didn’t you tell me before now? Why did you go out with me then?”

She started arguing with herself in her head. Am I really that unattractive, that he decides he likes boys better? No, Libby, DON’T think like that, it’ll just hurt you. You know he cares about you, and you love him. Stop this crazy thinking.

“Libby, I’m sorry, I think I was in denial up until recently. This doesn’t change how I have felt about you, you need to know that, okay?” he replied, his voice shaking. She wondered if he was crying too, on his side of the line. She knew she was, the shirt she was wearing was soaked with her tears, but she did not think it was fair for her to cry. It was not his fault he was gay. It was not something she thought she should be sad about, so she tried to stop her tears.

There were a few more moments of silence before they had to get off the phone.

“I have to go,” he said, “I have to get up early tomorrow morning but we can talk later. Have a good night, and try not to be too sad, okay?”

“I’ll try, and you too.” She said, not wanting to get off the phone, but not knowing what else to say.

“And by the way, Logan is way hotter than Jess, I‘ve always wanted to say that to you” he added quickly.

“Ha ha, not a chance” She said, smiling slightly. She was happy that they were able to bring up a joke already, and though, she felt like it was too soon for jokes, it made everything feel a little better.

“We’ll have plenty of time to argue about this another day. Let’s go to sleep now, and talk tomorrow.”

“Alright”

“Good night.”

“Good night”

She heard his end of the phone click off, and she quietly whispered, “I love you” before she shut her cell phone, and lay her head down on her pillow.

After the phone call, she lay awake for a while, thinking about the conversation they had just had. She wondered why she had not realized this before. She wondered what he was thinking right now, wondered if their friendship would last through this.

“We can survive anything, we’re best friends,” She said out loud to her quiet empty bedroom. She felt like it was too quiet, it was always too quiet.

She grabbed her iPod from beside her pillow, hoping it would make the silence seem less silent. She started listening to, and thinking about, their song. Is it still our song? Or is it now just a song we both know? She thought about it as she slowly as she tried to sleep, listening to their song, to dreams of what could have been. What should have been. What might have been. What will never be. She argued with herself like that until she fell asleep.

“Every time our eyes meet
This feeling inside me
Is almost more than I can take
Baby when you touch me
I can feel how much you love me
And it just blows me away
I’ve never been this close to anyone or anything
I can hear your thoughts
I can see your dreams
I don’t know how you do what you do
I’m so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby I’m amazed by you

The smell of your skin
The taste of your kiss
The way you whisper in the dark
Your hair all around me
Baby you surround me
You touch every place in my heart
Oh it feels like the first time every time
I wanna spend the whole night in your eyes

I don’t know how you do what you do
I’m so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Baby I’m amazed by you

Every little thing that you do
I’m so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side
Forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Oh, every little thing that you do
Baby I’m amazed by you.”
- Amazed by Lonestar